Dear, we are teachers,
Recently, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among some parents at my school: gossip. Whether it’s in a Facebook group or a group chat, information about me (an activity they don’t like, the jeans they wear to meet their teachers (horrible!)) is filtered back to me through other teachers. Not only is this harmful, but it also makes it more difficult to build trust with your family. I know I can’t control what my parents say, but I’m tired of being the butt of group chat gossip. How do I protect my reputation and sanity when rumors continue to spread?
——Burned by the gossip
Dear BBTG,
First of all, I don’t like it when other teachers come to you with mean things that others have said. How does this help? The next time someone comes to you with this type of information, say, “I know you’re trying to help, and I appreciate your solidarity. But next time, remember that I prefer to stay in the dark about things like this.” Then, plug your ears, close your eyes, and make a “la, la, la” sound to demonstrate and provide some lightheartedness.
I’ll pause here to clarify that there is a difference between annoying gossip and bullying, intimidation, etc. If you have evidence that a parent has made comments that were abusive, threatening, or made it difficult for you to do your job, please contact an administrator as soon as possible.
You’re right, you can’t control what your parents say. but you what able Control is the information you disclose about yourself and your classroom. Find out what’s happening in the classroom with weekly newsletters and take back control of the narrative. Something your parents like? “Ask your kids about…” sections or family dinner discussion questions. This is a simple way to increase transparency about what’s going on in your class and remind them that you’re on the same team.
Finally, I know this sounds a lot like my mom™, but remember, their gossip is more about them than it is about you. Focus on your students, your skills, and the relationships that matter.
Dear, we are teachers,
My school has been scheduling IEP meetings after the afternoon contract hours. Sometimes I would only receive 24 hours notice, which was not enough to ensure an alternative plan for someone to pick up my child from daycare. Is it appropriate to require these meetings to take place during contract hours, or is this just part of the job I need to accept? I wanted to advocate for myself professionally but without appearing uncooperative.
——Contract conflict
Dear CC,
Yes, it is important for teachers to attend IEP meetings. But it’s also important for you to pick up your kids from daycare! You don’t have to get into a crazy schedule every time you schedule your IEP.
This is what I’m going to do. Go to the office of the person who schedules these meetings in person and explain that you understand the importance of the IEP and want to support your student, but that picking up your child from day care in the afternoon will be tricky. My guess is they’ll jump here to find a solution. If they don’t, email detailed observations, strengths, areas for improvement, and any other information needed.
Dear, we are teachers,
I’m a new second grade teacher struggling with a problem that I think I’ve narrowed down to this point: comparison. I got a job at my dream school, I love my team, and my students are happy. But sometimes I feel sick (literally) because I can’t do as well as Ms. Black, or I don’t have the energy to take care of a class 16 pet like Ms. Williams, or I’m not as funny/talented/smart as the other teachers. My team keeps assuring me that I’m doing a good job, but I can’t seem to stop wanting to be the best. Do you have any advice on how not to get caught up in the comparison game?
——Happy Thief Robbery Victim
Dear TOJRV,
Oh, dear! No one starts out as an All-Star. It’s like a three-week-old baby saying, “Oh my god, I’m such a loser because I can’t walk yet.” The learning curve in teaching is long. Like, years.
Your team is the most reliable source of feedback (even better than the appraiser, I think). So if they say you did a good job, I would believe them.
One way to avoid comparing yourself to other teachers is to practice gratitude. Write a mantra for yourself, such as, “I am grateful to have been able to learn from and with such talented teachers,” or “The mentors at this school are molding me into the teacher I want to be for my students.” The next time you feel jealousy flare up, review your mantra to neutralize it.
If this doesn’t help, please email me and ask me to tell the story of how terrible my first year was to make myself feel better.
Do you have a burning question? Please email askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear, we are teachers,
This year, our district introduced a new curriculum with aggressive pacing guidelines. I was supposed to finish the entire unit in a few days, although my students needed more time to master the material. I felt like I was racing through classes, taking shortcuts, and leaving the kids behind just to “stay on schedule.” It’s not the way I want to teach, but I also don’t want to get in trouble for falling behind. How do I find balance when the pacing guide is completely unrealistic?
——Racing against time
