Dear, we are teachers.
I am part of a new teacher cohort that started this year at my school, all teaching in the ninth grade. One of the teachers in my queue is very friendly with students. She organized several group dinners and group gatherings with students – all in public places or restaurants, but still. Plus, when our queues got together, she told us all kinds of gossip students told her. It all makes me uncomfortable, but I can’t decide if this is normal, I overreact, or if it’s not suitable for the teacher. What do you think?
– Apply your age
Dear Aya,
*Wave red flags*This situation is a big nope for me. When I value building relationships with students outside the classroom, the safest way is through school-approved activities such as sports, school clubs, etc. Of course, we occasionally see students outside of these ranges – I live on an island…so it happens – but we need to make sure that the boundaries are clear to keep everyone safe.
Even if the outing is approved by the school, sharing students’ gossip is unacceptable. This is inappropriate and makes everyone uncomfortable! Direct: When she shares student gossip, say, “It makes me feel very uncomfortable talking about our students like this. Let’s change the topic.” If she continues to push, say you want to protect yourself, work and peace, and then leave. Hopefully others do the same, but even if they don’t, it’s worth protecting your integrity.
It is also worth mentioning that, under state law, educators are often required journalists. This fact means that if there is any indication that the shared “gossip” is somehow at risk, then the person who hears it must report it. If you have not yet understood your obligations as an authorized journalist, ask your HR department or administrator to help you understand your role. This choice may mean sharing what your colleagues tell you, but transparency is a necessary part of student safety.
If these outings are not recognized by the school, What do you need to say. If you have a close relationship with this teacher, please share your concerns: You want her to create and manage health boundaries with students. Note that someone (including yourself) may tell HR. You know this is not good. Regardless of friendship, you should follow your instinct to protect your students, yourself and your friends (even if she doesn’t protect yourself). Even if she agrees to stop, encourage her to tell the administrator and do so herself – to cover up your foundation.
If you don’t get close, you don’t want to have a conversation with her, or you have hinted at the slightest about other inappropriate things, go straight to the administrator. This situation must be discussed. However, discussing applicability with her is the administrator’s job as they can redirect her. Hope she will listen.
Anyway, speak up. I know these conversations can be challenging, but you don’t want to regret not speaking now.
Good luck, I am providing a lot of support, courage and care!
Dear, we are teachers.
I was doing a gardening program in a private high school labeled “after-school exercise.” One of my students is considered Jock. He participated in every sport in the fall and winter, but chose to garden in the spring. He absolutely loved it and was happy to be in my class. He told me that he liked the tranquility of the garden. Today, he told me some coaches forced him to leave gardening and play hockey. He was not interested and expressed the cruelty of the lacrosse. Should I face these coaches?
– The joy of gardening
Dear tjog,
I thank you for how much you want to advocate for your students. It is exciting to hear this student find peace and joy in a new activity. Regardless of sports and coaching, I hope you keep telling this student how much he appreciates him in the garden. Positive feedback will continue to make him feel welcome and supportive when he is studying activities that have never been considered before.
What you’ll do next depends on one key factor: the student. I will ask the student if he wants you to support him directly. If he refuses, respect this trust. Students have been open and perhaps vulnerable by conducting new activities, and while this situation is essential, it is not worth breaking trust. Instead, you can continue to support students from off-site. This support ensures that they have a safe space in their garden.
If students want you to promote them, I will boost their voices as much as possible. Students should lead the conversation with your support. Can you help them draft emails or plan what they want to say to the coach? Can you help them discuss this with their family? This situation is an important opportunity for students to learn how to advocate for themselves. Hope you provide ethical support and background that can help them express their ideas.
Anyway, I hope the garden is still a safe, happy space. Maybe this is a great opportunity for you to advocate for garden courses on a larger scale Other members of the school community see the value of gardening and support students. Thank you for your important work.
Dear, we are teachers.
My area gave us the “intention to return” form in January to let the government know about our plans for the next school year. I don’t think I’m going to return to my current school for family and professional reasons, so I said I’m looking for a job in other schools/regions. My principal emailed me to confirm that they knew it was important to start hiring right away. I’m sure I won’t return. Now, I’m collecting recommendation letters for other applications. I emailed her about three weeks ago and wrote a letter that she never responded to. I don’t think it’s unprofessional to not respond, especially after I respect my intentions for next year. Should I meet her and clarify? I have to be in the application with her current supervisor as the supervisor and I am worried that she will destroy my future opportunities.
– Hunting
Dear JH,
I wish you a job search. Thank you for being transparent. While some may say you shouldn’t let your government know you’re leaving before you’re leaving, I often find it difficult because the school or district may want to contact your supervisor. If they hear better from you than the reference phone.
I’ll meet your administrator in person, but try not to blame them for anything. Instead, I just checked it out and asked if they needed you to write. While not responding may feel disrespectful, it may not be their intention (I think they received a lot of emails). This doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t working either – I’m also frustrated – but since you’ve left it’s not worth entering. It sounds like you usually have this admin, so I’ll make sure you recommend and keep in good condition.
Additionally, you can see if other people, such as department or grade chairs, can write a letter of recommendation for you. This ensures that even if your administrator is far from helping, future employers can provide a more comprehensive picture of your work.
Do you have a burning problem? Send us an email at AskWeareTeachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear, we are teachers.
I’m teaching eighth grade math for the first year. So far these days are the days I have had a drill or class observation: Halloween (dropped on Friday), Friday, we release before Thanksgiving, and half a day before school before winter break when my students have completed my final exams. Every time, I get feedback from me because my students are noisy and my courses are not strict enough. Did my administrator deliberately drag me? Or should I point them out gently that I have been observed all the time on the literal worst days of school calendar?
– Observe the blues
