Should joining social media be treated like getting a driver’s license?

To illustrate this point, Twenge uses the example of driving. Some children may feel ready at age 12 and others later, but as a society we are committed to the legal driving age. She believes technology should work in the same way. She believes that sixteen is an appropriate age because by that time, most teenagers will have other responsibilities, such as driving and traveling on their own. Research also shows that older teens have greater self-regulation skills, which helps them handle smartphone distractions and stress more safely.

Additionally, Twenge recommends waiting until children are 16 or older to use social media, which is later than the current legal minimum age of 13.

“Sixteen is a good compromise,” she said. “This is based on the idea that by then, children have passed the stressful middle school years, when pressure from friends is greatest. They are more confident in their identities and relationships, and are generally more mature and responsible.”

Kathy Do, an assistant project scientist at the California Institute of Law, Neuroscience and Education, said teenagers are particularly sensitive to the addictive qualities of social media precisely because this is when they are most sensitive to social status.

“Peer relationships are more important in adolescence than they are in childhood and adulthood. Motivation and reward systems in the brain are more active in adolescence,” she said. “Adolescents show strong brain responses to social rewards, such as praise, attention, and inclusion, and to social threats, such as rejection or exclusion.”

The digital landscape has changed dramatically since 2017. Back then, parents could give their kids a flip phone for making calls and texting. Today, with smartphones dominating the market, flip phones can feel impractical or socially isolating. As a middle ground, Twenge pointed to “lite phones” that allow phone calls and text messages but block access to social media, web browsers and potentially harmful apps. Some even come with preset restrictions, such as banned dating apps or AI chatbots, to give parents more peace of mind.

Tech Free Zones and Real World Freedom

Schools have seen positive results from phone bans, including students taking greater risks academically because they no longer worry about other students permanently documenting digital records of embarrassing moments.

At home, Twenge encourages families to establish “phone-free zones”—times and places where device use is restricted or prohibited. The most important of these, she believes, is the bedroom at night.

“I say in the book, if you’re only going to stick to one rule, stick to this rule,” Twenge said. “Just to get some sleep because it’s so important for physical and mental health.” Studies consistently show that late-night screen use is associated with disrupted sleep, which in turn affects mood, learning and overall health.

Other phone-free zones might include family dinners or family vacations. Children are more likely to accept when parents engage in the same behavior. “A little bit of digital hypocrisy is okay, but you really have to be a good role model,” Twenge explained. “If you’re going to ban cell phones from the family dinner table, it’s important that you stick to that rule yourself as much as possible.” The holidays can be tricky because kids often want to stay in touch with friends. In this case, Twenge recommends designating a short, predictable window for cell phone use, such as after dinner.

When phones are put away, parents can create space for what Twenge calls “real-world freedom.” This means encouraging children to build independence, life skills and social connections offline. Examples include walking to school, riding your bike to a friend’s house, running errands, or helping around the house with chores like laundry or cooking. “It’s great for parents, too,” Twenge adds, “because then you don’t have to cook that night.”

Is it too late to make rules?

Ideally, tighter regulation would hold companies more accountable for designing apps that attract users. Without such guardrails, much of the responsibility falls on parents.

“One of the biggest challenges of modern parenting is that you want to be loving but firm. [You get the best outcomes] Twenge said. Parents can explain the reasons behind their choices, but that doesn’t always stop children from questioning the rules, she added.

Many kids already recognize when they or their friends have an unhealthy relationship with technology. “Whether it’s one-on-one or when I give talks in middle schools or high schools, the general theme is: They know this is a problem. They just don’t always know what to do about it, partly because they feel like all their friends are doing it,” Twenge said. Parents can help by providing their children with language they can use when communicating with their peers, such as “I may not text you right away because I’m having a family dinner” or “I have to keep my phone out of the bedroom when I sleep.”

Twenge stressed that for parents who used smartphones or apps before the age of 16, it’s not too late to make changes. “It’s a true myth that you can never go back. You absolutely can,” she said. The method depends on the age of the child. For 11-year-olds with unrestricted smartphones, she recommends using a flip phone, a regular phone, or even not using the phone at all to roll back access. For 15-year-olds, parents may allow them to keep the device but add new guardrails.

“Set parental controls so they can’t download apps themselves,” Twenge advises. “Then you have to have a conversation about why they want a certain app.”