Tips for helping children manage emotions when they are strong and difficult

Additionally, sad body language can also send signals to others we need to support. Once you start seeing various emotional functions, “it’s easier to understand the role they play in our lives and in the lives of children,” Cross said.

Cross also wants kids to know “some parts of the emotional experience you can’t control and parts you may not control.” For example, when we hear shocking noises, we can’t control the automatic emotional responses we feel. But once this emotion is activated, we can “turn it around – that’s where we have agents”.

Cross told me that sometimes he chooses no Change difficult emotions. For example, if he had a very important deadline, he would feel anxious – but he didn’t want to push the feeling away because it could help him focus. “This emotion is driving me to prepare. You don’t want to turn it off, but you want to turn it off.”

The intensity and duration of emotions

So, when do we use emotion regulation tools or interventions to help children use them?

“It’s a time when the emotions are too big or last too long,” Cross said. “These are two obvious signs that your emotions may need some regulation.” For parents, it’s also a useful barometer: We don’t want to keep children from difficult emotions, but we do want to focus on the intensity and duration of their emotional storm.

Change emotions is not about suppressing or denying our feelings, but about knowing that when our feelings interfere with our goals or happiness, we can take steps to “change the trajectory.”

Cross said when it comes to our emotional life “there is no solution of a certain size.” People often name him the first two or three regulatory strategies, but his research found that tools benefit from the huge variability of people. “It’s not just different people, but even the same person. The tools they benefit from the first day are often different from those that benefit from the second or fifth day.” Having and trying multiple tools can enhance our ability to live an emotionally healthy life.

Use your senses to navigate emotions

Kross’ book describes several research-based transfer strategies, including one that draws attention: our sensory system. Humans use five senses to quickly evaluate and understand their environment. “It’s as raw as you get,” Cross said. “We need to know whether to go back and get close or avoid things.” Because of their role in ensuring our safety, our senses are closely linked to the emotional network of the brain. So when we smell the rotten smell, it can cause a repulsive reaction almost immediately. We quickly feel awe or amazed when we hear beautiful birds singing or see sunset. “Even touch,” Cross said. “It’s like something warm and vague, not cold and rough. All of these feelings drive your emotions very, very quickly. Knowing what to approach and what to avoid is the foundation for our success in this world.”

This tight, unconscious connection between senses and emotions means that we can consciously use our senses to support our emotional health. “Think about scenting your house and putting the right music in the background? These are things we can easily change our emotions, and it’s an unexplored resource.”

As a teenager’s parent, Kross plays the role of DJ. If he needs to change his mood, he might wear Taylor Swift in his car, even make it more jazz by singing or dancing, and create something that “just absurd and amplifies emotional experiences.” Preschool teachers learn the power of a good “strategy song”, like “Cleaning Song,” turn a struggling task into a fun moment.

Some proven strategies, such as deep breathing or diary, may touch the child when children experience strong emotions. These techniques require efforts or the following steps. By contrast, using the sensory system can be the initial method to dial emotions more easily. In this way, our senses provide “a chance tool for managing emotions.”

Cross said parents can use sensory networks to subtly support their children’s emotions in a way that “fly completely under radar.” Consider lighting up your favorite scented candles while doing your homework, wipe it off when you sit on the sofa, dim the light during the bath, or stuffing soft stuffed animals into your arms when you fall asleep. Again, there is no one size. When they are emotionally activated, some children crave physical stress (such as bear hugs or weighted blankets), while others may be cumbersome during contact and find a more soothing feeling of bouncing or swaying in mini movements.

Parents can make their children and teenagers think about sensory tools. What songs may appear on the “I feel like _____” playlist? What physical feelings can enhance their mood? What sights, tastes and odors do they find comfortable or recover? Of course, entering nature activates all five senses, which is one reason in nature is related to mental health.

Modeling emotion regulation

As parents, we sometimes focus on our children’s needs so much that we sometimes forget that “leading others starts with leading ourselves effectively,” Cross said. “I think focusing on how to manage your emotions is an important first step in helping your child manage emotions.” There are two reasons. First, children are observational learners. “So if we keep the emotional proportions correct in different situations, they’re implicitly learning, ‘Oh, that’s how you do it well instead of seeing people fly away the handle in a big way that might not be productive,” Cross said.